1,473 Words on Vegas

You know that mostly-excited somewhat anxious feeling you get when something important is on the horizon? For some people it’s Christmas or a Birthday. For others maybe it’s a new job, or (for the truly unlucky) their wedding day. Regardless of the reason, I think that feeling pops up for most people only a day or two before this event.

My annual “important something” is the March Madness Vegas Trip. This year we’re “celebrating” the 5th anniversary (I say “celebrating” because it’s Vegas…how much extra could we actually put into the typical festivities?).

Unlike those other events I mentioned, that excited/anxious feeling begins every year for me at least two weeks before the trip. Inevitably I show up to Vegas tired and worn out because I literally go crazy for a bunch of days leading up to it. The typical symptoms are sleeplessness, lots of nervous energy and obsessive thoughts (lots of Vegas daydreaming). By the way, Neil & I couldn’t be more different in our approaches leading up to the event. He actually crawls into a hyperbaric chamber inside a cold, dark cave for 10 days to “rest up” and “charge his body.” I want the time to fly by so I’m probably guilty of doing too much over these days.

This year’s no different. I’m happy to announce I had my first Vegas dream on Sunday night, March 7 (10 days before the trip). Right on track, brain.

Actually, this year is a bit different for me. You see, I’m still unemployed, and while I would never let that affect my status for this trip, it is causing these final weeks to go even slower than normal. Think about it…what do I have to take my mind off Vegas? It’s not like some of the other guys where I can be assigned a project at work that will take up my time and distract me until next week. This week is the hardest since there are college basketball games on from 9am - 8pm, and the more I watch, the more I get the gambling itch. I’ll probably vomit one of these random afternoons from over stimulation.

My favorite Pre-Vegas tradition is for those of us going on the trip to annoy the shit out of our friends, families and loved ones who aren’t joining us. This usually begins at the three weeks to go mark. It’s unavoidable: whenever three or more of us are together, every conversation ties back to college basketball, poker, funny/ridiculous incidents that happened in years past, and random predictions for this year’s trip. We essentially alienate anyone not coming. I justify this self-absorption by remembering all the times I’ve been stuck around a group of women who just had to dissect hairstyles, clothes, celebrity relationships, and all that other B.S. I think we’re even.

We get so fixated on the trip that sometimes I’ll receive an email that simply says, “9 days.”

I’m almost embarrassed to admit this part, but sometimes in December or January, we’ll actually discuss, “when is it OK to start saying Vegas is around the corner?”

Well here we are…as I write this, I’m exactly one week from sitting at San Francisco Airport, restlessly twitching while waiting to board the plane. Or as we’ve been calling that day for years, “Arrival Wednesday.” In year one, we didn’t fly in until Thursday morning. We quickly realized it was a big mistake to risk missing the opening set of basketball games that morning (and also missing out on 14 hours of gambling from Wednesday night through Thursday morning).

To answer your question, yes, we have given names to other days around this time of year. Of course, this Sunday is Selection Sunday….not our name, but really kicks off “Vegas Week” since we find out on this day what the 1st round match ups are for the tourney (and I can start filling out far too many brackets). The Tuesday before Arrival Wednesday is known as “Transaction Tuesday.” This is the day where I go to my bank and withdraw an unthinkable amount of money, all in hundreds. The last thing you want to do is make multiple ATM transactions at a casino in Vegas. They’re already likely taking hundreds from you; do you really want to give them that extra $4-5 in transaction fees?

Suicide Sunday is the name we’ve used for the day we return to the Bay Area every year. Aptly named because many years suicide seems like a better option than the inevitable 2-3 days of hangover & withdrawal.

Without the permission of my co-conspirators, I am officially naming one more day: “Sit Out Saturday.” Without naming names, some people have had to “sit out” the gambling and/or the fancy dinner this day based on very rough betting performances over the 1st three nights. I’m pretty sure some participants have even contemplated changing their flight home to Saturday afternoon if things are really bad. In fact, if there’s a day where one of us might say something like, “you know what, I’m not feeling the games today, I’m gonna go lay by the pool,” this would be the day. And if I ever forgo a day of gambling to instead ride the rollercoaster at New York New York, I’m positive it would be a “Sit Out Saturday.” I think the veterans of our group have gotten very good at pacing themselves over the first few days…not peaking too early is the key to the entire weekend.

After five years of doing this, I feel like we’ve ironed out all of the kinks…almost. There’s still an ongoing debate over the correct way to handle Sunday. What’s the right time to schedule our flight home? A few of us decided years ago that it’s best to take the earliest possible flight out on Sunday morning (sometimes as early as 7:30). Assuming we have to work the following Monday, the thinking is that we get home on Sunday and have a full day to recuperate. We also won’t miss any games on TV if we get home early enough. Most importantly is that we probably despise ourselves and Vegas by Sunday morning so we’re getting out quickly. This sparks a completely separate debate: to sleep or not to sleep on Saturday night? If we have to be at the airport at 6 a.m., or even 8 a.m., and we’d normally be awake in Vegas until at least 4 a.m., do we try to get one hour of sleep? For most of us the answer is no. Saturday turns into an all-nighter. This has led to some of the funniest Vegas moments that don’t even happen in Vegas. Like a certain person passing out in the airplane bathroom at 35,000 feet one time. Needless to say, we probably still haven’t nailed the final 12 hours of the Vegas weekend. Luckily we have another 30-40 years of doing this to figure it out.

While I obviously can’t get too specific about some of the shenanigans that go on with our group in Vegas (since I wouldn’t be invited back ever again), here are some of my favorite things in a general sense:

-Extreme alteration of sleeping patterns - Some of us quickly adjust to only sleeping 3-5 hours each night; others don’t sleep at night, but instead take long naps in the afternoon; and a select few will stay awake for 30-35 hour stretches.

-Extreme alteration of drinking patterns - It’s the only time of the year where I justify drinking upwards of 12 vodka/redbulls a day (usually in between drinking many other things). It’s also the only time I can order a jack & coke at 9 a.m. and not get looks of disappointment from my friends.

-Extreme alteration of diet - How much McDonald’s, Sbarro’s and Subway can a group of adults collectively eat in four days? Come to Vegas and find out.

-The yearly blow-up between our group and the management/pit bosses of some casino (OK, that only happened last year, but really hoping it becomes a tradition).

-Purposely rooting against the team who has the most obnoxious fans in Vegas - Since I’m not loyal to any school that ever makes the tournament, I typically like to pick out the group of most obnoxious fans and directly root against their team as loud as possible. The three fan bases who seem to be the worst each year are Texas, Wisconsin, and Ohio State. Not sure why this is, but it is. Maybe it says something about the Midwest in general?

It took me a little while to write all of this so now it’s exactly one week until the pilot says, “Ladies & gentlemen, we’re making our final descent into Las Vegas.” So yeah, this will be the longest week ever.